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не прошло и 10 лет, как я узнала про мутизм :/

Причем рекомендации ну очень близки теории привязнности, и хоть я с ней и знакома, все равно думала временами, что "это он нарочно", эх...

Supporting a child with Selective Mutism: Do's

Children with selective mutism feel secure when around their parents, and less secure around others. Thus, a powerful strategy is to use strategies to help the child feel more secure around his/her attachments with parent(s).

• Ensure that each parent is spending 1:1 time with the child. As busy families, we often spend lots of family time together, but it is challenging finding time to spend 1:1 with just one parent and just one child. However, 1:1 time is important for deepening relationships. As an analogy, think about when you are in a romantic relationship. When you want to deepen your bond with someone, do you do group activities? Of course not, you choose 1:1 activities…

• Ensure the 1:1 time is spent doing activities where the child can look up to you and respect you Don’t do activities with your child where your child is better than you at. In general, playing video games with your child is not helpful, because generally the child is better, which leads the child to see the parents as less credible and competent. As an analogy in a dating situation, if you are dating someone, do you try to impress him/her by suggesting an activity that you're horrible at?

• Create an inviting environment for your child to be able to talk about his/her feelings, and when s/he talks, be accepting and validating. Do not be critical, and avoid giving unwanted advice. The analogy would be this – imagine you had a rough day at work, and you just want to vent to a friend. So you call up your friend… All you want is your friend to listen, but not judge, be critical or give advice. It’s the same way with our children…

• Ensure that there is a goodbye ritual with every separation. Every time you separate from your child, whether it is leaving home, or going to bed, make sure you say goodbye, and mention how much you are looking forward to seeing him again, and ideally mention the next thing you’ll be doing together. As an analogy, its just like when you go on a date (or when you used to go on dates). At the end of a great date, you say “I had a wonderful time, goodnight” and then you bridge the separation by saying “…. and I’ll call you tomorrow” or “… I’ll see you tomorrow!” Think how horrible you’d feel if the person just say “Goodbye!”

What parents can do to support a child with Selective Mutism

Learn as much as you can about Selective Mutism.
• Read books (listed in the reference section)
• Visit websites such as that from the Selective Mutism Group Childhood Anxiety Network, available at

Supporting a child with Selective Mutism: Don'ts

• Don't force your child to speak, this will likely increase anxiety.
• Don't just ignore it. Parents are often told that their selectively mute child is simply being ‘shy’ and that ‘he’ll just outgrow it.’ However, there are severe consequences if a child is unable to communicate or speak. It impairs social relationships, particularly with peers, and may make the child vulnerable to teasing or bullying. It severely impairs learning, as it inhibits the child from asking clarifying questions, requesting help, and makes assessing knowledge difficult for school personnel. Selective Mutism also keeps the child from group participation and oral presentations. Over time, it can lead to worsening anxiety and depression, social isolation, self-esteem issues, school refusal, and poor academic performance.
• Don't avoid getting help. It is ESSENTIAL to seek out early, effective intervention. The longer that the Selective Mutism persists, the harder it is to treat.
• Don't think the child is being manipulative. It is natural to believe that the child might just be misbehaving, or trying to ‘manipulate’ or control a situation, but that viewpoint only leads others to be angry at or blame the child, which then only makes the child more anxious which makes things worse! In general, all children want to please their parents, succeed at school, and fit in with their peers. If a child is unable to do so, then it is up to the adults to find out why and come up with a solution...


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